I was reading an article on why travelling alone is a cure for loneliness. The article didn't really sway me as a few of the reasons would make me feel even more isolated versus connected but I could see a case being made for it. The real highlight for me was the quote in the piece. Indra Devi’s description of yoga. “Yoga, is a way to freedom. By its constant practice, we can free ourselves from fear, anguish and loneliness.”
I've mentioned a few times that I've started practicing yoga on the advice of my doctor and I'm loving it. Mostly. It's a bit of a struggle and outside of my comfort zone. Friday's class was just me and Abby and was super hard since she's trying to get me ready for class. She was really nice walking me through what I could expect and picked up the pace to be closer in line with a class environment. Result? I could barely walk on Saturday after pulling something in my back and having fallen on my ass during warrior II. Awesome. Plus, I had sweat dripping down my face making my vision all blurry and beads of sweat dripped all over the mat. Sexy. Clearly the beauty and elegance of the practice was alluding me.
But, I sucked it up and attended a group class yesterday with my confidence pretty much bottomed out. I wanted to back out. Badly. When I found out the class had moved rooms I wanted to just scoot on out. I tried but ! But I didn't. I timidly walked in and plopped down in an empty spot. Halfway through class when I was pretty sure I was going to vomit, I found a comfortable position and held on. Thanks Abby and Ann! I just to comfort that my instructor yogis repeatedly told me it was ok. This may be a good time to share that this was "Slow Burn" class. Room was hot and you hold the positions for a decent amount of time. I was fairly certain Dante left out a ring of hell. I made it through though. The teacher kept reiterating this was MY practice. Do what felt right to me. If that means going through with the class, hanging out in child pose and breathing, it's all ok and it's what's best for me. For the first time, I believed her.
It's all what works for me and I can compare myself to the full on yogis next to me with gorgeous form and full pigeon - to be clear, I have no idea what that means but people were doing it. Beautifully. I was busy wiping sweat off my face and gulping water. Or, I can do the best I can and be happy with that. I felt strong and was a pretty good role model to the kiddo with the whole finishing what I started thing. It makes me feel good
Now, I'm not sure about the anguish and loneliness business but I did learn a little about overcoming fear. And sweating. A lot.