here at the House of Huff. I've started my photoshop class on Saturday mornings with my friend Randall plus 2 e-courses (blog badges on the right 'cause I'm too lazy to do the links tonight). It's exciting that it feels like I'm going back to school with everyone but I'm also getting a tiny bit overwhelmed. I felt like I was finally getting back into the blogging habit along with baby and the long list of existing hobbies then "BAM" homework!
I promise to be here more often, I like it and it helps to have a place to share and vent (as needed) so I don't want to lose it. There may be even more random postings than usual but I hope it will smooth out as I get into a routine.
So, I've ordered my supplies for the jewelry class and may have spent Sophy's college fund but did find a new favorite online source. Again, lazy on the linking so I'll post with pics when the goodies arrive.
Now, I'm planning to turn in early since next week will be super busy.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Fall means change including costumes
I'm thinking of switching up my look a bit. Also, if I were on top of all the blogging I would've taken some pics of the outfits for show and tell. Maybe later this week. Anyway, I'm pretty preppy with some edgy jewelry thrown in. And by edgy I mean Stella and Dot or some homemade pieces with lots of layering. Side note: I dragged the husband into Forever 21 yesterday and found some great stuff for about $7 each vs the $60 plus some of the more upscale brands are looking for but I do love some of the animal designs and Lulu Frost pieces... digressing again.
Sooo, back on the original topic. I ordered this dress since I'm starting to work in a little Boho to the typical preppy ensembles I've usually got going on.
It looks super comfy and it has pockets. I love pockets. If it works out, I have my eye on this little number. Both of these will look awesome with the steampunk style boots from last year which were on a super discount sale and purchased by my fantastically sweet hubby as my "you had to have some seriously tough IVF crap but got pregnant and can't stop throwing up" present along with my new socks. Another sidenote: totally worth it because Sophy is awesome.
Perfect with fall arriving any minute. Seriously, any minute even it it's just me turning down the air conditioning.
Postscript to add no one asked me to pimp any product, I just really like these and wanted to share.
Sooo, back on the original topic. I ordered this dress since I'm starting to work in a little Boho to the typical preppy ensembles I've usually got going on.
It looks super comfy and it has pockets. I love pockets. If it works out, I have my eye on this little number. Both of these will look awesome with the steampunk style boots from last year which were on a super discount sale and purchased by my fantastically sweet hubby as my "you had to have some seriously tough IVF crap but got pregnant and can't stop throwing up" present along with my new socks. Another sidenote: totally worth it because Sophy is awesome.
Perfect with fall arriving any minute. Seriously, any minute even it it's just me turning down the air conditioning.
Postscript to add no one asked me to pimp any product, I just really like these and wanted to share.
Saturday, September 08, 2012
It's the little things
I love playing with Sophy in her room and tonight Daddy joined us. He's the photographer. :) She was resistant to going to bed, she's usually out between 8-8:30 but not tonight. She was all about playing. We practiced sitting up, she's becoming a champ, and stacking her blocks. There was lots of chatting and near crawling. In a couple of weeks she'll be sitting up on her own and I'm fairly convinced crawling everywhere.
We're also going to move her to her crib for naps - which she usually does at least once a day - and sleeping at night. I talked to her pediatrician about it, he clearly wanted to avoid that bear trap! and I fully confessed I wanted to keep her with us, it wasn't Rolland. He's pretty confident she'll be fine and thinks we'll all sleep better. The doctor was pretty specific that there wasn't any medical or safety risk at this point and it was total parental preference. I know it's better for everyone but I think it might take a couple of more weeks to train me.
Until then, I'm soaking up every minute of her baby days. I love you Sophy Jane and I'm thankful everyday that I get to be your Mommy.
Thursday, September 06, 2012
I Love Myself a Workshop
I love, love, love art retreats and workshops. It's fun to escape and spend lots of time with similar minded ladies like Amy, Molly, Maija, Kecia, Pam, and Julie, who is one of the founders of the Art Nest retreats. Pam, Amy and Kecia teach some fantastic classes that I can not recommend enough. I was lucky to attend and meet those ladies in person and make art all day with them. It was fantastic to see new perspectives and new techniques. I've been able to attend an Art Nest Retreat, Art and Soul in Portland and here in Dallas plus some random day classes here and there. I love the total immersion and find it unbelievably inspiring plus it's a fantastic recharge for the creative soul. But it's another big commitment in a pretty packed schedule.
I have a full time job, a husband and now a super cute new baby. It's rough getting away for a few days, not that my husband isn't supportive because there is no one more supportive than my husband. Seriously, no one. But, I feel bad about leaving him with all the house stuff and the brand new baby. Plus, I don't want to leave the brand new baby! Who's not brand brand new but 6 months is still pretty damn new. Nordstrom's would still take her as a return if one were so inclined. I'm not since she's awesome. If you follow me on twitter or facebook you know this because I'm obnoxious with the baby picture posting. I'm digressing again. Sigh.
Anyway, it's rough to travel and spend the money on the get away with airfare, hotel and food, plus classes, plus supplies, etc. But, there's now this new fancy thing called the intranet. It's nice. I can attend classes from the privacy of my own house and wear footie pajamas. Not that I have them but I could and you wouldn't know because IT'S THE INTRANET. Fancy new fangled technology. Class can be attended post-baby going to bed and husband can run wild with his free time since wife and baby are now occupied and require nothing from him. Anyway, I took a class last year with Stephanie Lee but then I kind of forgot this was an option and now I'm a little obsessed. I've signed up for Flying Lessons with Kelly Rae Roberts who has become a bit of a mentor for me although she doesn't know it. Another great thing about the intranet. Harmless stalking. I just registered for The Alchemy of Objects with Deryn Mentock. It looks awesome and I want to support the use of the word "alchemy". I'm also taking a Photoshop class at a local community college but that's an in person thing so not really part of my rant here but it's still awesome and only 3 hours 1 day a week which is totally do-able.
So now I'm doubly excited about fall since it feels a little like I'm going back to school too. Now I'm in need of a Target run stat. School supplies!
I have a full time job, a husband and now a super cute new baby. It's rough getting away for a few days, not that my husband isn't supportive because there is no one more supportive than my husband. Seriously, no one. But, I feel bad about leaving him with all the house stuff and the brand new baby. Plus, I don't want to leave the brand new baby! Who's not brand brand new but 6 months is still pretty damn new. Nordstrom's would still take her as a return if one were so inclined. I'm not since she's awesome. If you follow me on twitter or facebook you know this because I'm obnoxious with the baby picture posting. I'm digressing again. Sigh.
Anyway, it's rough to travel and spend the money on the get away with airfare, hotel and food, plus classes, plus supplies, etc. But, there's now this new fancy thing called the intranet. It's nice. I can attend classes from the privacy of my own house and wear footie pajamas. Not that I have them but I could and you wouldn't know because IT'S THE INTRANET. Fancy new fangled technology. Class can be attended post-baby going to bed and husband can run wild with his free time since wife and baby are now occupied and require nothing from him. Anyway, I took a class last year with Stephanie Lee but then I kind of forgot this was an option and now I'm a little obsessed. I've signed up for Flying Lessons with Kelly Rae Roberts who has become a bit of a mentor for me although she doesn't know it. Another great thing about the intranet. Harmless stalking. I just registered for The Alchemy of Objects with Deryn Mentock. It looks awesome and I want to support the use of the word "alchemy". I'm also taking a Photoshop class at a local community college but that's an in person thing so not really part of my rant here but it's still awesome and only 3 hours 1 day a week which is totally do-able.
So now I'm doubly excited about fall since it feels a little like I'm going back to school too. Now I'm in need of a Target run stat. School supplies!
Wednesday, September 05, 2012
Suzanne made me do it...
So the waxing of the magic that is Williams-Sonoma, and love for kitchen tools in general, continues. My friend Suzanne, who is awesome, and her fiancee Jairy, who is also awesome, are getting married in November so she asked for a few tips for her registry. Because I could go to graduate school to study kitchen gadgetry (which is much better than being a hoarder) I was happy to comply. On a totally unrelated note, does anyone remember Cliff Huxtable (a la Bill Cosby on The Cosby Show) and his love for kitchen gadgets and wasn't allowed to buy anything from Jake? Just me. Alrighty then back to my list.
1.Short Order Griddle - Which you might remember from yesterday. Let's call that one covered.
2. Frying pan - in a larger and smaller size. I have non-stick and regular versions and am quickly thinking everything should be non-stick! These are pretty much mainstays in the kitchen although the griddle could get you through for a while in cause you had to wait from birthday to Christmas then back to another holiday of your choosing.
3. Cookie Sheets - Alton Brown recommends cheap pans from restaurant supply stores and that's a pretty good suggestion. I have some pastel ones I love from last Easter at Target that make me happy because they've held up well and they're pretty. Pretty and utilitarian goes a long way for me. It's kind of how I like to see myself but I feel I could be digressing again.
4. Silpats - they go with the cookie sheets! These feel weird but are fantastic for baking and cooking anything that you would normally use a cooking spray or parchment paper for and frankly, that parchment spray business is a pain in the ass and seems fairly wasteful.
5. Stock Pot - Pick a nice stainless steel one that would hold the amount you normally cook and for boiling pasta water, etc. Just make sure it's not too tall when it's filled on the stove and is easy for you to pick up and carry. Learned this the hard way! Again, the restaurant supply is probably a good idea although I have a nice one and one that came with a dish set we got when we got married 17 years ago. The giant ones that include the pasta strainer (also have) but are too tall for me to easily drain the water and I end up with steam burns or scalded from the water. I promise, I did the research here for you. Get a nice mid-size pot and drain in a colander like your Grandma or Mom. Well, like my Grandma or Mom.
6. Dutch Oven - these things can be crazy expensive but you'll use if for everything since it can be used on top of the stove then popped into the oven for a long time which is great for anything in the winter. It's especially good for braising meat and then throwing in the veggies, herbs and liquid and sticking it all in the oven on low heat for most of the day. Yum.
7. Bakeware - cookie sheets have been covered, but if you want to do some baking I feel like the following are good for most anything you'd want to make. Brownie pan 8x8, cake pan 13x9, round cake pans (at least 2 at 8"), tart pan with removable base (great for quiche as well and would stick with 8" or 9"), loaf pans, at least one bundt pan (especially if you're in the South or Midwest!) and a pie pan (mine are usually glass).
8. Two sets of measuring spoons - or maybe that's just me since I have 3 and regularly have them all dirty. Plus measuring cups for dry and wet ingredients. No, they're not interchangeable so don't even think about it. These have tons of options and I have both pretty versions and utilitarian work horses.
9. Cooling wire racks - really great for cookies. Leave them on the baking sheet with silpats to rest for 5 mins them remove to cooling racks. Greatness and they don't crumble on you like they would if you removed them immediately.
10. Wooden spoons, rubber spatulas, etc are must haves! Leave them stuck out for easy reach by the stove. I have 4 different crocks for mine but I'm kind of crazy and watch way too much Barefoot Contessa.
11. Also highly recommend a mixing bowl set that you'll use over and over. I also have a stainless steel set of 3 with the largest bowl being fantastic for mixing large batches of anything and an antique ironstone that I use for cookies which I mix by hand when I feel all domestic. I also use if for rising bread dough.
12. And the final thing I use all the time is my Kitchen Aid mixer. I have the kind that raises and lowers the bowl vs the neck raising and lowering. For whatever reason I felt like it would last longer and I've had mine for about 15 years so my instincts did not steer me wrong. Pricey but you'll have it forever. Seriously.
I think this focus on the kitchen lately is largely due to Sophy reaching an age where she can now have some solids. She has no interest in food beyond watching us eat and throwing a fit but we continue to try. I'm looking into baby led weaning and will report back.
Also, I really love kitchen gadgets. I am still not schilling for the man and am just a weirdo Williams-Sonoma groupie. Admittedly, I have been known to cheat on them with Sur la Table.
1.Short Order Griddle - Which you might remember from yesterday. Let's call that one covered.
2. Frying pan - in a larger and smaller size. I have non-stick and regular versions and am quickly thinking everything should be non-stick! These are pretty much mainstays in the kitchen although the griddle could get you through for a while in cause you had to wait from birthday to Christmas then back to another holiday of your choosing.
3. Cookie Sheets - Alton Brown recommends cheap pans from restaurant supply stores and that's a pretty good suggestion. I have some pastel ones I love from last Easter at Target that make me happy because they've held up well and they're pretty. Pretty and utilitarian goes a long way for me. It's kind of how I like to see myself but I feel I could be digressing again.
4. Silpats - they go with the cookie sheets! These feel weird but are fantastic for baking and cooking anything that you would normally use a cooking spray or parchment paper for and frankly, that parchment spray business is a pain in the ass and seems fairly wasteful.
5. Stock Pot - Pick a nice stainless steel one that would hold the amount you normally cook and for boiling pasta water, etc. Just make sure it's not too tall when it's filled on the stove and is easy for you to pick up and carry. Learned this the hard way! Again, the restaurant supply is probably a good idea although I have a nice one and one that came with a dish set we got when we got married 17 years ago. The giant ones that include the pasta strainer (also have) but are too tall for me to easily drain the water and I end up with steam burns or scalded from the water. I promise, I did the research here for you. Get a nice mid-size pot and drain in a colander like your Grandma or Mom. Well, like my Grandma or Mom.
6. Dutch Oven - these things can be crazy expensive but you'll use if for everything since it can be used on top of the stove then popped into the oven for a long time which is great for anything in the winter. It's especially good for braising meat and then throwing in the veggies, herbs and liquid and sticking it all in the oven on low heat for most of the day. Yum.
7. Bakeware - cookie sheets have been covered, but if you want to do some baking I feel like the following are good for most anything you'd want to make. Brownie pan 8x8, cake pan 13x9, round cake pans (at least 2 at 8"), tart pan with removable base (great for quiche as well and would stick with 8" or 9"), loaf pans, at least one bundt pan (especially if you're in the South or Midwest!) and a pie pan (mine are usually glass).
8. Two sets of measuring spoons - or maybe that's just me since I have 3 and regularly have them all dirty. Plus measuring cups for dry and wet ingredients. No, they're not interchangeable so don't even think about it. These have tons of options and I have both pretty versions and utilitarian work horses.
9. Cooling wire racks - really great for cookies. Leave them on the baking sheet with silpats to rest for 5 mins them remove to cooling racks. Greatness and they don't crumble on you like they would if you removed them immediately.
10. Wooden spoons, rubber spatulas, etc are must haves! Leave them stuck out for easy reach by the stove. I have 4 different crocks for mine but I'm kind of crazy and watch way too much Barefoot Contessa.
11. Also highly recommend a mixing bowl set that you'll use over and over. I also have a stainless steel set of 3 with the largest bowl being fantastic for mixing large batches of anything and an antique ironstone that I use for cookies which I mix by hand when I feel all domestic. I also use if for rising bread dough.
12. And the final thing I use all the time is my Kitchen Aid mixer. I have the kind that raises and lowers the bowl vs the neck raising and lowering. For whatever reason I felt like it would last longer and I've had mine for about 15 years so my instincts did not steer me wrong. Pricey but you'll have it forever. Seriously.
I think this focus on the kitchen lately is largely due to Sophy reaching an age where she can now have some solids. She has no interest in food beyond watching us eat and throwing a fit but we continue to try. I'm looking into baby led weaning and will report back.
Also, I really love kitchen gadgets. I am still not schilling for the man and am just a weirdo Williams-Sonoma groupie. Admittedly, I have been known to cheat on them with Sur la Table.
Tuesday, September 04, 2012
Order Up!
My husband bought this for me last week after I pointed it out to him in the Williams-Sonoma catalog. I explained it could change our lives and that it was exclusive. He was skeptical. But, because he loves me and knows I love a surprise. He purchased said griddle fairly convinced it would never be used.
In fact, it has changed my kitchen life. I love this griddle and will carry it with me in my backpack across the country if the zombie apocalypse does in fact come to fruition. Well, Sophy will carry it since I'll have her and Rolland will have everything else. Also, across the country because I don't want to be hot AND eaten by zombies so I'm taking the fam and heading northeast. I digress. With the new griddle I have made egg mcmuffins (we also bought the nifty egg rings - you should butter those by the way). Quesadillas that were tasty with left over crockpot beer chicken and salsa left over from our stash from the Mexican place in Missouri (yes, I live in Texas. Shut up.),and unbelievably tasty patty melts tonight. Tomorrow, fish tacos!
The griddle made me love the kitchen so much I made fresh strawberry jelly on the fly to prevent our strawberries from going bad. Recipe a la The Barefoot Contessa. Turned out nicely and now I'm debating french toast for Thursday night. Use up leftover fancy bread, use the griddle and the jelly! I may have a little bit of a problem.
Note: I was not in anyway paid or contacted by Williams-Sonoma to wax poetic about their griddle. Which is kind of a damn shame since I definitely need a fancy new knife to cut up stuff for my griddle.
Monday, September 03, 2012
Fall, Fall, Fall
I'm officially calling it fall here in the Lone Star state even if it is still near 100 degrees. I'm steadfastly ignoring the thermometer and starting to plan for cooler temps. Whether they actually arrive is entirely beside the point.
We started today with what I consider to be a fall movie favorite which is You've Got Mail. It does kind of span the seasons but it starts with the famous "bouquets of sharpened pencils" which officially puts it in the fall camp for me. Next up would be the first Harry Potter and Practical Magic but I tend to wait until closer to October and Halloween decorating.
I'm dreaming of the mercury glass pumpkins at Pottery Barn but at $40 a string it's tough. Still on the debating list. They really would look fantastic on the mantle with the silver mercury glass and gold picture frames. Hmmm, maybe if I save my lunch money.
What are you dreaming of for fall?
Saturday, September 01, 2012
Re-reading
I've been going through some of my stuff and doing a serious clean out. The husband has been tasked with converting all of our DVDs into electronic versions so we can cut down on the 3 bookcases full of them. My books are also under serious review. Our house is incredible cluttered with several people referring to it as "Hogwarts like" and this doesn't always feel like good thing no matter how much I love those damn books.
Anyway, some of them are getting 2nd reads and some are becoming candidates for Kindle reading only. I've had one for years and just recently embraced it beyond it's travel purposes. There are some books that are always going to be purchased but I'm starting to see there are a few that are one time reads and not serious bookshelf keepers (I know about the library and love libraries except for my weird OCD about what people. did while reading. Ugh.).
Anyway, I've been re-reading the Berger and Mitry series by David Handler and loving them all over again. Highly recommend you give this mystery series a shot. More of the cozy variety rather than hard boiled detective novels. But fictional setting is daydream worthy and the unlikely couple charming.
Hope everyone is loving this three day weekend!
Anyway, some of them are getting 2nd reads and some are becoming candidates for Kindle reading only. I've had one for years and just recently embraced it beyond it's travel purposes. There are some books that are always going to be purchased but I'm starting to see there are a few that are one time reads and not serious bookshelf keepers (I know about the library and love libraries except for my weird OCD about what people. did while reading. Ugh.).
Anyway, I've been re-reading the Berger and Mitry series by David Handler and loving them all over again. Highly recommend you give this mystery series a shot. More of the cozy variety rather than hard boiled detective novels. But fictional setting is daydream worthy and the unlikely couple charming.
Hope everyone is loving this three day weekend!
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Happy 6 Months!
Sophy turned 6 months on Friday and I can't believe how quickly the time has gone.
She's a little rolling whirlwind who is trying to crawl every minute she's on the floor. She's incredibly curious and she absolutely tries to put everything in her mouth. So far the major growth spurts have tapered a bit and she's still in between 6-9 month sizes except jammies. She's approaching 9 months only in jammies since she's super long. She is a regular tummy/side sleeper. We're still working on the solid food but she loves the high chair and hanging out with us at the table and we can finally try out the jog stroller now that she's got the head thing down.
I can't wait to see what the next 6 months will bring. She's such a joy and I feel lucky everyday that I get to be her Mom.
I love you Sophy Bear, happy 6 months!
Monday, August 27, 2012
Sneak Peek
When my parents were here last weekend, the girls (minus Sophy) went to Joann's to check out fabric and we got these little goodies. Sophy will be super cute in her new holiday dresses. We also found a cute fall fabric with birds on it that's adorable but I couldn't find it or another vintage style with yellow roses to share. I'll post the final products once Grandma finishes them.
Love these little dresses and they'll be super sweet next generation carry overs.
Can't resist a vintage print and am ready for cooler weather and fall ASAP!
Love these little dresses and they'll be super sweet next generation carry overs.
Can't resist a vintage print and am ready for cooler weather and fall ASAP!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Pool Baby
Mommy and the water baby in Vegas. We had a fantastic time and I still haven't gone through all the pics. Rolland's family, Mom and Sister, joined us and we had a lovely time. This was taken on our cabanna day. Since we stayed at the Palazzo and it was July, seemed like a perfect and relaxing day. It was. Lounging by the pool and taking a dip when it was warm but mostly relaxing in the hot tub then on the chaise lounge while Sophy made the rounds. Perfection.
Also, I got lots of baby in swimsuit and sunhat photo ops and that's really what I wanted.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Boxes: Pretty, Pretty Boxes
I've been working on some new boxes and jewelry in hopes of actually stocking my Etsy store and going to some craft shows this fall. I'm especially loving a few of the pieces including these boxes below. Great for hiding jewelry, recipes and other bits and bobs that might be laying around. You know, like the bits and bobs you might use to put on top of other boxes. Vicious cycle people. Vicious cycle.
This box was months in the making and I'm pretty sure I started before I was pregnant so a mere 15 months ago. It had the base color and over the last two weeks I actually started layering glaze, charcoal, marker and text. The main phrase on the front was a scrap of paper I've had on my desk for two years and it finally found a home. I'm also loving the way the finial turned out sans doll head. This was hard but that handle and rhinestone are perfect.
This box I know was finished up to the charcoal way before I was pregnant and I just hadn't gotten around to applying fixative to keep the charcoal on the box. Finally picked that up and sprayed it within an inch of it's life (still get a little charcoaly but I'm claiming it as adding to the charm). I also had this sheet with chocolate recipes and it seemed like the ideal addition since I'm convinced someone else will love chocolate, purple and doll heads. Right? Seriously, I can't be the only one.
Working on the shameless promotion since I plan to actually start selling things so here goes...
These would be awesome gifts for the holidays: teacher gifts, shower gifts, perfect for wedding/baby gifts, and just as a treat to hold your own special treasures.I can make them with specific colors and various finials if for some reason you aren't a fan of doll heads or handles. Although let's talk since I clearly can't imagine such a scenario! I promise to have them done in a speedy fashion if anyone were so inclined to have specific requests.
This box was months in the making and I'm pretty sure I started before I was pregnant so a mere 15 months ago. It had the base color and over the last two weeks I actually started layering glaze, charcoal, marker and text. The main phrase on the front was a scrap of paper I've had on my desk for two years and it finally found a home. I'm also loving the way the finial turned out sans doll head. This was hard but that handle and rhinestone are perfect.
This box I know was finished up to the charcoal way before I was pregnant and I just hadn't gotten around to applying fixative to keep the charcoal on the box. Finally picked that up and sprayed it within an inch of it's life (still get a little charcoaly but I'm claiming it as adding to the charm). I also had this sheet with chocolate recipes and it seemed like the ideal addition since I'm convinced someone else will love chocolate, purple and doll heads. Right? Seriously, I can't be the only one.
Working on the shameless promotion since I plan to actually start selling things so here goes...
These would be awesome gifts for the holidays: teacher gifts, shower gifts, perfect for wedding/baby gifts, and just as a treat to hold your own special treasures.I can make them with specific colors and various finials if for some reason you aren't a fan of doll heads or handles. Although let's talk since I clearly can't imagine such a scenario! I promise to have them done in a speedy fashion if anyone were so inclined to have specific requests.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Fiscal Responsibility Sucks...
In our desire to become more fiscally responsible we cut back on expenses, including cable. Our bill was fairly outrageous since we subscribed to every channel known to man, and in HD. Now, the husband claims I knew this but I have no such memory of this conversation. Which was basically summed up like this:
Sweet and sane rational husband says "We don't get FX anymore..." in response to my frantically trying to add Justified back into our DVR after it's disappearance which I just thought to question today.
Me "WHAT?! What do you mean we don't get FX anymore? How is that possible, you didn't tell me that?!"
Husband "Yes, I did."
Ugh. I already miss the hat.
Sweet and sane rational husband says "We don't get FX anymore..." in response to my frantically trying to add Justified back into our DVR after it's disappearance which I just thought to question today.
Me "WHAT?! What do you mean we don't get FX anymore? How is that possible, you didn't tell me that?!"
Husband "Yes, I did."
Ugh. I already miss the hat.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Possibilities
I've been trying to move forward with what I want for my life, making dreams reality and believing that what I want most I can have. Kelly Rae Robers has been writing some fantastic posts about being a Possibilitarian and embracing all that's possible in the world.
All that's possible is super exciting and fantastic to try and embrace but not really true. First, you have to figure out what possibilities you want for yourself. Then you have to make decisions that make some possibilities real while others fade. As excited as I am about the plans we've got for the future, it's also time to let others go, the lives that won't be lived because that's a choice that was discarded.
One of the things I found to be true for me as we struggled with infertility was the long road of uncertainty. I had to look at all the possibilities including the idea that we might not ever have a baby. It wasn't a given and for my tender and battered heart I had to come to terms that it would likely not happen. It was just too painful to have hope strongly that it would happen. Truly, I worried most everyday I was pregnant that something would happen and it would all be taken away. I wished the other day I could go back and tell myself it would be okay. Breathe. Enjoy. Trust. Instead, I was fairly obsessive with every little pain and twinge. Mostly I kept it to myself and drove my husband nuts but he was patient and tolerant.
During those months of uncertainty and failed hopes, I would wonder what would our life look like then? Maybe we'd relocate? Serious city living. Lots more focus on career challenges. Develop more hobbies and become more entertaining at dinner parties - yeah, make more friends to have said dinner parties, sell everything and road trip/travel for a year, live abroad and become those people on House Hunters International that we always say "what the hell do they do for a living" that makes the 3 million euro apartment in Paris possible. Just to be clear, the house hunters thing was never likely but it was easy dreaming on Friday night laying on my heating pad after that night's shot. Obviously some things were more likely than others.
Luckily and thankfully, we did get pregnant and have been given the best baby in the world - I've done polls and it's true - and with our expanded little family our plans have shifted. City living was fun to see with the little guys walking sure and confident through the streets headed who knows where. I loved seeing the the very chic and urban mamas push the strollers and walk the kids to school in Soho. Fantastic schools with playgrounds in the middle of the city, kids at play while everyone else hurried to the office, appointments, yoga, well you get the idea. But that's not for us. I can't get beyond how to get a car seat in a taxi or deal with strollers on subways in the rain with Sophy screaming because she's hungry and tired. Airports every holiday to try and squeeze in some extended family time. Only seeing her cousin every couple of years. Not for us. And it means that possibility is fading away making room for other dreams.
But I've discovered it's still a little bittersweet and hard not to think of it as giving up. That it's too hard to try and make work so we're choosing the easier path. I mourn, just a little, for all those other roads that won't be taken. Could it have worked if I would've tried harder? What possibilities do I hold on to give them the energy that might make them someday realities? What's worth letting go of and discarding? What dreams do you keep for the future and what are dreams of childhood that finally get packed away? Some are easy - no toe shoes for this aged ballerina (who never took a dance class), no Olympic medals unless I start those archery or shooting lessons pronto, no more job hunting in major metropolitan areas where housing prices are closer to $1,000 a square foot instead of $100.
The someday of a pretty house on a fair amount of land, little girls in twirly dresses with puppies at their feet, Christmas mornings with family, playing in the fall leaves, summers at the lake, teaching little fingers how to play with paint and wire, Saturday morning doughnuts with Daddy, all of these see possible and worth working really hard to make come true.
All that's possible is super exciting and fantastic to try and embrace but not really true. First, you have to figure out what possibilities you want for yourself. Then you have to make decisions that make some possibilities real while others fade. As excited as I am about the plans we've got for the future, it's also time to let others go, the lives that won't be lived because that's a choice that was discarded.
One of the things I found to be true for me as we struggled with infertility was the long road of uncertainty. I had to look at all the possibilities including the idea that we might not ever have a baby. It wasn't a given and for my tender and battered heart I had to come to terms that it would likely not happen. It was just too painful to have hope strongly that it would happen. Truly, I worried most everyday I was pregnant that something would happen and it would all be taken away. I wished the other day I could go back and tell myself it would be okay. Breathe. Enjoy. Trust. Instead, I was fairly obsessive with every little pain and twinge. Mostly I kept it to myself and drove my husband nuts but he was patient and tolerant.
During those months of uncertainty and failed hopes, I would wonder what would our life look like then? Maybe we'd relocate? Serious city living. Lots more focus on career challenges. Develop more hobbies and become more entertaining at dinner parties - yeah, make more friends to have said dinner parties, sell everything and road trip/travel for a year, live abroad and become those people on House Hunters International that we always say "what the hell do they do for a living" that makes the 3 million euro apartment in Paris possible. Just to be clear, the house hunters thing was never likely but it was easy dreaming on Friday night laying on my heating pad after that night's shot. Obviously some things were more likely than others.
Luckily and thankfully, we did get pregnant and have been given the best baby in the world - I've done polls and it's true - and with our expanded little family our plans have shifted. City living was fun to see with the little guys walking sure and confident through the streets headed who knows where. I loved seeing the the very chic and urban mamas push the strollers and walk the kids to school in Soho. Fantastic schools with playgrounds in the middle of the city, kids at play while everyone else hurried to the office, appointments, yoga, well you get the idea. But that's not for us. I can't get beyond how to get a car seat in a taxi or deal with strollers on subways in the rain with Sophy screaming because she's hungry and tired. Airports every holiday to try and squeeze in some extended family time. Only seeing her cousin every couple of years. Not for us. And it means that possibility is fading away making room for other dreams.
But I've discovered it's still a little bittersweet and hard not to think of it as giving up. That it's too hard to try and make work so we're choosing the easier path. I mourn, just a little, for all those other roads that won't be taken. Could it have worked if I would've tried harder? What possibilities do I hold on to give them the energy that might make them someday realities? What's worth letting go of and discarding? What dreams do you keep for the future and what are dreams of childhood that finally get packed away? Some are easy - no toe shoes for this aged ballerina (who never took a dance class), no Olympic medals unless I start those archery or shooting lessons pronto, no more job hunting in major metropolitan areas where housing prices are closer to $1,000 a square foot instead of $100.
The someday of a pretty house on a fair amount of land, little girls in twirly dresses with puppies at their feet, Christmas mornings with family, playing in the fall leaves, summers at the lake, teaching little fingers how to play with paint and wire, Saturday morning doughnuts with Daddy, all of these see possible and worth working really hard to make come true.
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